Random October Ramblings

Hey everyone, hope things are going well on your end. I have a day off today. Its beautiful outside, 70’s! Mother nature is going through some hot flashes! Its been a very busy time for me lately. I’ve had a majority of the day to myself, which sometimes is a good thing, and other times it’s too much time for my mind to wander. I hate getting to the point where I am dissecting every little aspect of my life. I just feel stuck, but I’m afraid to move forward, afraid that I may make the wrong choices and end up with nothing but regrets.

I can’t believe Halloween/Samhain is next Wednesday. I am supposed to have the day off. I turned in the correct paperwork, got it back saying I was approved to have it off, yet they still put me on the schedule. So I turned in another slip with my schedule and approved paperwork attached. I still haven’t gotten a reply. Not sure if I should just not show up then if they haven’t sent me anything back by then or not. Technically I wouldn’t get into trouble because it was supposed to be off. They messed it up. But I am still leery about it.

I have been quite busy lately, wish I could say it was because of doing something useful, but all I’ve been doing is working, working and more working. I am so exhausted by the end of the day, and it seems no matter how much I work, something keeps happening and I always feel like my money is gone before I even get it. Kinda sad really. Holidays are coming up too, so as much as I don’t even like to consider it, I am probably going to have to work some overtime to get out of this funk and back into comfortable land.

My sister recently moved to Florida, and went on a cruise with her boyfriend. He proposed on the cruise and they are getting married next June. My brother is also getting married next June. Its so amazing how things can change in such a small amount of time. It seems just a blink ago that I was doing Tarot reading for both of them because they were feeling lonely and doubting whether or not they would ever find “The One” and where their life was headed….and now they are both engaged and happy, moving on with their lives.

It makes me feel even further behind. Just a year ago my life was perfectly fine, I knew what I wanted out of life and where I was headed. And now everything has flipped. I question every decision I make, trying to have faith in life, constantly comparing myself to others around me, and wondering “what if” all the time. All I know for certain is that I am not satisfied with my life where it currently stands.

I usually try not to sit here and dwell about things that are out of my control, so I usually keep myself occupied, in healthy ways. I work to support myself, work out twice a week, keep my home clean, love on my kitties, spend time with my boyfriend and try to repair our relationship, engage in my spiritual studies, trying to figure out what to do with my schooling, trying to cover my bases with my job security, etc etc.

Sorry for the random rambling, just got my mind going a mile a minute…usually happens when I’m home alone all day. It’s kind of lonely but I kind of like the alone time as well. I will be busy tomorrow, I have to renew my license for work…I’ve been working some Juju plus taking the mundane steps necessary to accomplish this. I need to pick up my shirt for the breast cancer walk, then I am working. Then I have a breast cancer walk Saturday morning then I have our Samhain Circle with Sacred Birch Society. So that’s about it for my random ranting lol. If you’ve read all of this mumbo jumbo, kudos to you! I am waiting for my sister to get online so we can skype! So ttyl!

Blessed be,

Amistis Reudan

About Amistis Reudan

Amistis Reudan is an Ordained Minister actively practicing Paganism since 2000. Mom of 2 boys, CNA at a local hospital, and Health/Fitness Coach.
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